Kiss, Kiss, Fall In Love
by P.L.S
Summary: Haruhi was a day time bartender for a reason, not that anyone cares. AU Ouran Koukou Host Club.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Kiss, Kiss, Fall In Love (1?)

Author: P.L.S.

Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran Host Club & this was made for the sole purpose of entertaining the author & maybe the readers. Any OC's or ideas are free too. I've never cared if people play in my sandboxes.

Warnings: Severe AU.

Rated T for Teen

Summary: She was a bartender during the day for a reason, not that anyone cares.

Author Note: I've been reading SGA McShep AUs while watching Ouran subbed, which makes for a rather odd thing called AU OHSHC. This was the only world I could build without setting it in mideval Europe or crossing over into my other fandoms (gimme time on that one... I breed crossover bunnies.) All I know about the J-Pop scene is that I love the music & what I learned from Gravitation (which means nothing other than yaoi is hot as hell & that apparently, airhead drama queen boys get the best record sales.)

for those who don't fly in the scifi fanfic circles SGA **S**targate **A**tlantis, McShep Rodney **Mc**Kay/ John **Shep**pard slash, AU **A**lternate **U**niverse

_All the same! They're making music,_

_Despite the envious Signora,_

_'Til appears on the horizon _

_Rosy smiling sprite, Aurora._

from Mimi by Heinrich Heine

ooOooOoo

"Pull whatever's good on tap." Haruhi nodded and chose a nice bland domestic for the guy who was probably recovering from working through lunch hour. She pulled a pint and he took a deep gulp ending with a sigh of contentment and a grateful smile. Haruhi could tell right off that this was going to be another great tipper.

Great tips, rather pleasant customers, storytelling drunks, & music that she controlled. All the reasons she had worked hard to get the day shift at the bar-come-club. The other barkeeps tended to not question her and assumed schedule conflicts, but really she just liked the easy pace of the daytime compared with the frenzy of night.

_Of course_, she thought as another off-key note from the band doing a sound check made her wince, _it'd be better if they'd just forget the synth & stop interupting my peace._

"Ya know, rock was better when it was just the drums, guitar, and the voice of the singer." Haruhi smiled at the drunk who was only just starting to slur his words.

Kaiichi-san was a regular and to be frank she rather liked hearing his semi-coherent stories about his life when he was a fisherman in the south. He was a polite drunk who had charmed her from day one. Kaiichi's scared face & lost limbs had whispered of stories when she had first started but now they were just part of him & as normal as his thinning gray hair, toothy grin, and his constant cursing when he came in sober.

"Their trouble is Nekozawa, who used to do the synth & sound, left & went to join a monistary or something. Now his student or something, Bereznoff, is trying and failing to walk in Nekozawa's footsteps." Haruhi looked at the guy who she had just given a beer to. He grinned sheepishly, "My little sister is a fangirl to the worst degree & the info is now stuck in my head."

"I see." she said as she mixed another plain cosmopolitain for the physics professor who always spent her off days away from campus and at Haruhi's bar next to the jukebox which was now unplugged. Not that it worked. The rounded top jukebox was a tacky relic from America in the 70's that the owner bought broken and only worked for three weeks. But despite the fact that it couldn't even be used as a place to put a drink, no one ever spoke of ever tossing it.

Haruhi handed Professor Kazekawa her cosmo and the aging ice queen gave her a slight smirk which was the Professor's version of a smile. The woman took a slight sip and went back to reading a scientific journal.

The front doors brust open with a "Haru-chan!" called out by the falsetto of yet another regular. This one was respendent in her red glittered heels, purple fishnet stockings, jaguar print short pants, and a sheer billowing red-violet blouse with a dark camasole under. Vivian or Hiro depending on the attire had been Haruhi's first customer and with one sip of her blue hurricane had declared 'Haru-chan' her one true love and had been there every day before five to renew her or his love affair with the cocktails that Haruhi made.

As Vivian took her stool between the new guy and Kaiichi, Haruhi put a pink lady in front of the drag queen and smiled.

"Looking beautiful."

"Darling, I'm looking rediculously supernaturally gorgeous." Vivian said with her typical ostentatiousness. Haruhi nodded and started to clean her tools of her trade as Vivian once again loudly made her exclaimations of love.

Haruhi winced again as the song went off-key, "That does it." She stopped cleaning up and hopped over the bar.

"Hey! Whatcha gonna do?" Kaiichi called out. Haruhi gave him a smirk.

"I'm going to fix it." The new guy sputtered at her declaration.

"Y-you can't just _fix_ music!" Haruhi shook her head as her regulars started to defend her.

"She can fix anything." Vivian-Hiro the crossdresser screeched.

"She fixed my wheelchair." Kaiichi grummbled.

"She's resurrected my cell phone and laptop." Vivian said as she brandished her pink rinestone covered Motorolla with a large-ish brass bell jingling from the strap.

"She's the reason I finished my book." Professor Kazekawa said with her typical aplomb and poise.

"She's Haru-chan!" Kaiichi poked the new guy roughly, "She fixes everything." Haruhi smiled at the ego boosting comments and walked to the back booth where the soundboard was set up. At the controls a pale man in black was sweating over the sliders and nobs. His eyebrows were bunched together and his round eyes were glareing daggers at both the frontman and the guitarists who were complaing and generally being hyper brats.

Bereznoff saw her and glared at her too, "Don't you dare complain unless you can do it better," he snapped. Haruhi nodded with a quiet smile.

"Understood." Bereznoff nodded and went back to his fumbling and then looked at her again.

"So what do you want?"

"To complain."

ooOooOoo

And that was how it started.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Kiss, Kiss, Fall In Love (2?)

Author: P.L.S.

See Chapter One for the rest of the header...

Author Note: Grins To keep in the gender-bending of OHSHC I've decided to make the band assume Haru-chan is a guy (except for Kyoya who knows all & sees all, the bastard.) The band name? Eh, I still donít have a farking clue.

Disclaimer Part Dos- Any song lyrics unless otherwise noted are my creation. When I borrow (aka steal) Iíll either post a link to the source or tell you all the details as far as I know them so look for footnotes. BTW, I'm not a barkeep, I just keep going to my local bar.

ooOooOoo

Kyoya watched from the side of the stage where he was going to jump down. The entrance of the drag queen had distracted him enough that he finally acknowledged the fact that he was thirsty. He was just about to go to the bar and ask for a round of virgin drinks when the bartender vaulted over the bar and walked to where Bereznoff was shooting dirty looks as Tamaki blithely gave his opinions and the twins only made things worse with their interjections and egging on Tamakiís ego.

He watched as the bartender walked over after listening to the peanut gallery she had in the form of her patrons, one quiet and negative, the other three gushing with praise. She was modest enough to acknowledge them with just a cynical shake of her head before going and disturbing Bereznoff with her silence. He snapped at her, and she smiled and said something which set him off.

"FINE! Suoh-san, I QUIT! I'm tired of this. See how good you sound without me tonight!" And that was just the start, the little man ranted for at least ten minutes (again the twins had a great deal to do with his renewed bursts of anger which meant that the raving lasted a lot longer than Kyoya thought it should.) Kyoya was amused to see the bartender work with the equipment as Bereznoff gave his 'I quit' speech.

Finally, the old man at the bar poked the drag queen who laughed and nodded. She then stalked over grabbed Bereznoff by the ear and tossed him out with her own version of a scolding ringing in the manís pointy ears, no doubt. Kyoya smiled at the queen in gratitude.

He then went to go see what the bartender was doing to his equipment.

"Hello. I'm Ohtori Kyoya," he drawled and was pleased to see that it startled her out of fixing the rat's nest of wires that Bereznoff allowed to grow.

"Oh, hi. Fujioka Haruhi." He was rather surprised at the almost boyish tones to her voice, that along with the unisex clothing and choppy short hair, could easily fool others into thinking she was a he. Her clunky and thick glasses his her eyes and finished off the plain and pathetic look that he was sure that she hadnít meant to achieve.

"What are you doing?"

"Hmm," she looked up with one of those stranger multi-tools in her mouth, and two bouquets of thick wires and zip-ties in her hands. She opened her mouth to let the tool fall, "Umm, the wires are going to the wrong outlets and I can't tell what half of these go to. Can you start running through your set accousicly? It'll give me time to fix this then help you get rid of what you don't need." Kyoya knew this was perfectly reasonable and far more than he should expect, but he had a feeling.

"No."

"What? Why?"

"Well, the way I see it, it was you who cost us our synth player. That means we're going to have to forget about this gig and lose both a week of pay and the little momentum that we've worked for years to get." Kyoya said cooly. The girl blanched and Kyoya let himself smile a shark's smile, "But don't worry, I think that one little lawsuit for reparations should fix everything for us."

"Aw, crap." The bartender muttered, "You're not going to get much money out of me."

"Well, that's only if you're going to cost us this gig."

"What?" she looked so confused and resigned. Kyoya mentally congratulated himself on the ploy which was going to pay off.

"Well, it seems you now what you're doing. You can take Bereznoff's place until we can find another replacement." Kyoya said and the bartender sighed.

"Shit."

"Is that your way of saying yes?" The bartender bowed her head and nodded. "Good. Hikaru, Kaoru!" The twin guitarists leapt off the stage and ran to his side.

"Yes?" they said in tandem.

"Meet our newest member."

"That?" asked Hikaru, "But he doesn't have the looks."

"Neither did Bereznoff." Kyoya said coldly.

"Yeah, he did, in his weird way." Kaoru said, "But he..."

"Looks like a lost geek." Hikaru said, "One that gets picked on, not picked up."

"Fine, keep me in the shadows then.î the bartender said. The twins smiled.

"At least this geek has spirit." they said together as they shared a look, "We'll take the challenge."

Kyoya watched in amusement as the sons of a fashion designer started ripping up her looks verbally as she pointedly ignored them and went back to putting the electronics in order. He looked over at the bar where Mori was already taking over the bartenderís job, giving him a nod to let Kyoya know that everything was fine.

Kyoya smiled as he heard Tamaki and Hunny's laughter, the two were playing a card game on the stage, letting everyone else do all the preparation. They were the songwriters and the lead singers, besides they both had yet to grow up and would only get in the way. Kyoya kept an eye on them as he called up their contact at the label and the owner of the club, both needed to know about Bereznoff and Haruhi.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Kiss, Kiss, Fall In Love (3?)

Author: P.L.S.

See Chapter One for the rest of the header... Chapter Two as well.

Author Note: Work, Classes, & Sleep as well as editing a friend's original fic... in other words I'm damn tired and while torturing Haruhi is stress relieving, it also takes time that I really only have on the weekends. In other news you owe this fic to the image album & vocal songs from Gunslinger Girl. Fast Italian rhythms, piano, violins, & gunshot sfx... mmm...goodness.

Disclaimer Part Drei- If I use brand names they will be either designers or mostly American. I will try to use the generic names (writing HP fic was great for teaching me how to write for an international audience.) I do not own the brands, quotes, or slogans I may use and if I confuse, tell me so I can fix it.

ooOooOoo

Hikaru looked over the collection of leathers that his mother kept in her warehouse cum studio. He had left Kaoru and the newbie with Rina and Yoriko Suki, the makeup & hair stylists that his mother had fallen in love with. Not romantically, never that, but their work together was always amazing and if anyone could turn that sow's ear into a silk purse, it would be them.

He and the back & rival collection's manager, Mitsui Hideki, had taken the measurements and were now trying to sort through and find something that would look right on the stage and not make Fujioka look like he was playing dress up.

"What about the fall '97 leather?" Mitsui suggested holding up a pair of pencil legged tousers in a medium red-brown.

"It could work, metallic cream button up with a long patterned vest in reds oranges and golds." Hikaru said and Mitsui bobbed his head.

"Vibrant, but compared to the things you have your band mates in, it wouldn't stick out and complete the rainbow of colors."

"Which would be perfect as both Nekokawa and Bereznoff only wore black and maybe if they were in a happy mood, dark purple, dark indigo, or charcoal gray." Hikaru griped and Mitsui nodded again, it was a complaint everyone who had ever worked in clothing the band had voiced, especially Hikaru and Kaoru. Hikaru let go of his irritation and bit his tongue as he started to think about shoes and accessories.

Hikaru noted that Mitsui went off to find the shirt and vest while he was wandering over to the chests of costume jewelry and racks of all sorts of footwear. Realistically he knew that to get the right look he'd need to bring the little doll up and play mix and match after the clothes were just right, but to start he needed an idea of what he thought would fly.

He was in the middle of searching the toe rings when his cell phone started to play Kaoru's ring tone. He pulled the little thing out of his back pocket and put it on speaker.

"Yeah?"

"You know how you thought the geek wouldn't look great?"

"Um, yeah. Why?"

"He's a bishounen."

"What? I thought you said the geek is really a bishounen, but that can't be right."

"I did."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Did you get the before shots?"

"Yes, one of the intern's is running them down to the one-hour photo shop."

"Good, the slaves need more pointless and menial tasks." Kaoru let out a bark of laughter and Hikaru hung up and went to find Mitsui. But before he left that section of the collection he grabbed a pair of painted red flip-flops made of straw and bamboo.

He found Mitsui pulling a rack of vests and jackets, all in bright fiery colors and intricate patterns. most had at least a touch of glitter or gold and one was just orange sequins. Together they used the freight lift to get to the main floor where the studio was. In the center was the staging and photo area where hair makeup and last minute details were taken care of before the final products were captured on film for both portfolios of the seasonal collections as well as just for the company's records.

It was in the midst of a few models, Suki, Rina, their assistants, the photographer, and a gaggle of others Fujioka was sitting dazed and confused as a rabbit in headlights with Kaoru directing the admiring hoard.

Hikaru took it as a good sign as he had yet to see the boy's face.

He pushed, kicked, and whined his way through, with Mitsui following. He was usually rude, so most took no offense at his brashness and they started pulling their friends back and out of his way before he stepped on them. After what seemed to be forever, he was at the center and got his first look at what he now thought of as Fujioka's true face.

Large, clear, guileless eyes.

Clear, smooth, pale skin.

A small nose that was slightly pointed but still round enough to look average.

Thin eyebrows arched in surprise at the antics of Kaoru, Rina, and Suki.

A moderately sized mouth with thin lips that was in a cute pout.

Chocolate brown hair with long bangs that were in his eyes half the time.

In other words, as Kaoru said, a bishounen. Hikaru was pleased at the development, the innocent qualities would come off as adorable to their fans and would contrast well with the rest of the group. The music that Fujioka ran through before they had whisked him off was simple but effective and pulled the sounds together, which was just what he would do aesthetically too.

"What have you found for him?" asked Kaoru.

"Kidskin trousers from Mother's Fall '97 collection, a suitable shirt, and these." Hikaru gestured to the rack.

"I'm not gonna have to wear all of them, right?" asked Fujioka with a nervous smile.

"Well, we need to see what will look best on you." said Mitsui in his normal calming tone. Fujioka gifted him with a smile and stood up.

"Come on, let's get you in the pants and shirt, at least." Kaoru started to steer him to the changing tent. Hikaru fell into step with his twin and just as they entered the tent Fujioka ducked out of their grasp and took the clothes.

"Okay, I'll change, but get out."

"Shy?" Hikaru teased. Fujioka's face lit up with a blush and he dropped the clothes on a bench before grabbing their forearms and almost tossing them out of the tent. Hikaru just managed to catch his balance and shared a look with his twin. The person in the tent didn't tease back or bluster. The person in the tent didn't move like a guy trying to get two annoying people out of his way. The person in the tent was not a boy at all.

Fujioka was a girl.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Kiss, Kiss, Fall In Love (4?)

Author: P.L.S.

See Chapter One for the rest of the header.

A/N: You owe this to V6's _Believe Your Smile, _one of my fave songs right now. I'm in a bubblegum pop phase.

ooOooOoo

Mitsukuni Hanninozuka was always pleased to get a new puzzle. It was just his hobby and puzzles weren't always the jigsaw or brain teaser types. His favorite puzzles were either the mathimatical type or the human type. Both required attention to detail and patience.

His last human puzzle was not just one person but two. The Hitachiin brothers were fasinating to him, together always, so distainful of all others, but willing to let a few just inside their world for laughs. Hanninozuka was still working on fully understanding them, but was content with what he knew so far to start on the newest addition to the band and his newest puzzle.

Fujioka had been utterly transformed by the twins, it was the first thing he noted as he stumbled in, pushed through the door by Hikaru, no doubt. Tight leather pants, styled yet not styled hair that never went past the chin, brilliant accents to highlight beauty that could easily be passed by if it wasn't displayed just right. All that and a certain air of uncomfortable innocence which sang out as loudly as Tama-chan's voice could.

Still something nagged at Hanninozuka's thoughts, something wasn't quite right about the newest recruit. After all, Kyoya-kun was still smiling like the cat who ate the canary as Tama-chan excaimed over the little bishounen.

He felt on a kind of psychic level his cousin's return to the club. Takashi had run out to go fetch some fast food and wine for before the show, it was actually quicker than ordering out, and Takashi needed to run before going on stage, it was a bit of stress relief as they first started, but now it was just tradition.

"Haru-chan's back." Hanninozuka smiled up at Takashi. "Look, I think we're gonna run through a song with him on keyboards, then let him play the rest by ear." Takashi grunted an affirmitive and put the take-out and bags of bottles on the table.

"Oh! Look! Mori's back with the food!" Tamaki said, interupting his long lecture on putting on a good show and how to give off the right stage presence to Haru-chan, who looked bored with the lead singer's zealousness.

"Wha'd ya bring us?" asked the twins in tandem, both bounding over as soon as they caught wiff of the noodles and fried foods that Takashi seemed to like to buy. Silently, his cousin gave them each a styrofoam bowl of super-spicy udon and a box of sweet potatoe fries along with a bottle of wine to share. They, again, said their thank yous as one and sat at a near by table to scarf down their food. Hannoninozuka's nose twitched, the spice of the noodles was so strong that the could feel it trying to take over his nose, which was slightly stuffy that day.

He tried to ignore the over powering smell of udon as he watched Takashi walk around and give each boy his dinner. On their table he saw Takashi's regular and an order of chicken and vegitable rice with a side of Califorinia rolls, or as Tamaki had deemed it, sushi for the wimpy foreigner. Hanninozuka smiled, Takashi was so thoughtful.

He picked up the food and went behind the bar where Haruhi was in an old lab coat, cleaning glasses and all the tools of his trade, "Here you go. Dinner." He gave him a brilliant smile and saw Haru-chan's lips curve but not enough to be called a smile.

"No thanks, I've gotta get this done." He said and started to turn to go back to the sink and start to wash the metal spoons and stir sticks that were laying next to the sudsy water. Hanninozuka grabbed the lab coat sleave, which was loose and covered in old stains.

"Please?" He gave her his most sappy 'puppy dog' face and saw as he slowly broke down, like all girls did. In the end he smiled and took the food with a small thank you.

Hanninozuka's mind started to pull the pieces together, the way he walked, the way he talked, the interactions that he had had with his new bandmates.

It all seemed to point to the fact that Fujioka Haruhi was a girl, not a boy.

Oh well, Kyoya probably already knew and if Haru-chan had a problem with their first assumption she would have said something. Besides, he couldn't wait to see Tama-chan's face when he found out that their new synth-keyboardist wasn't a bishounen, but rather a very pretty girl. With his old-fashioned Europian ideals, it would make an interesting show.

He bounced over to sit next to Takashi, who was already eating a bowl of duck udon. His own bowl was still closed and piping hot, just the way he liked it.


End file.
